Anonymous sent this into us. I wanted to share with anyone who was feeling this way.
I was sitting in the chair at my appointment waiting to be seen. People were coming in and out. I had the feeling that this room was one that wasn’t used very often, seemed like a bit of a catch all room of sorts. There was noise all around me, sounds of normalcy. I sat there and bit back the tears that threatened to fall. The feeling had come back, one that I hadn’t had to deal with for a really long time.
The feeling of not wanting to be here anymore.
What most people don’t understand about being suicidal is that the will to live is intense. It’s the most powerful feeling of all. Think about it for a moment. It makes sense doesn’t it? All those people who managed to hold on, even though they should have been gone long before they did.
That feeling of complete emptiness. The feeling that you are pointless, worthless of existing is dark, scary and painful. I am no stranger to this feeling. I have been down this scary road once before.
Depression is a dark and ugly beast. You get sucked into a state of mind that is so dark, twisted and ugly that you loose sight of who you really are. Nothing matters to you, you have no motivation, everything seems bleak, dark and endless.
It’s exhausting and that darkness? It appears to be so soothing and so comforting.
I’m fighting to hang on. One minute at a time.