*DISCLAIMER* What I am about to write here is based on my own personal research, training and personal experience.
Yesterday marks the 3rd death of someone I knew, who died by their own hand. Yes, that’s THREE people I personally knew. Some more then others. The hurt that’s left behind? It’s all the same. So are the questions. I seen a 2008 poster for suicide survivor’s day, survivor’s as in the one’s who are left behind to deal with the emotional train wreck after loosing someone they love. It’s message was simple, yet profound:
Every 16 mins someone commits suicide, every 17 minutes someone is left to wonder why.
Why as in:
Why didn’t they reach out?
Why didn’t they seek out help?
Why didn’t I see this coming?
Why did they do this to me/us/their family?
Which is usually followed by: I seen so and so last week/month and they seemed so happy! How could someone so full of life do this? Which usually leads to who/what can I blame?
Ever since loosing Jason on September 3rd 2009 (the Jason the foundation is named after) I had a lot of questions, almost no answers and soul sucking grief, shock, numbness and anger.
The internet is a great place to get some answers, however with that you also get a ton of statistical data and little sustenance and usually not the answer to which you seek. However, after taking a university based course that has now certified me to be an Online Suicide Intervention Specialist (OSIS) I was at least given a better understanding on a few things.
Most people fail to realize, or understand that depression is an illness not unlike AIDS or cancer to name a few. NOT a state of mind. There is a rather large difference between being sad/feeling Mellon collie and having actual clinical depression. Depression can occur at any time, for any number of reasons. Sometimes it’s chemical, sometimes it’s seasonal (SAD as an example) and sometimes it’s situation brought on by grief by loss of a loved one (either the end of a relationship or death) loss of a job and so forth.
Because depression fits into the mental illness category, it carries a huge stigma. It’s far more acceptable by society to have some God awful disease that is easily explained away as opposed to having depression. Because people on occasion automatically label you as crazy or some form as such and well who wants that?
Depression doesn’t show any physical signs that are blatantly obvious to most observers. People who are depressed don’t wear a sign around their neck that says : “Hey I’m depressed!”. Depression is also a very high maintenance disease for some. There’s countless types of medication on the market, however they don’t work for everyone and most carry some potentially lethal side effects. So this means trying out several types of medication to see what works for you. Maybe your lithium levels are low, maybe you need more sunlight, maybe your serotonin (your feel good hormone) levels are really low or maybe something horribly tragic happened to you and you quite simply can’t deal. Whatever the reason, depression sucks.
If you’ve never experienced true depression first hand (I have) then it’s easy to say: “why didn’t so and so get help” and other things that we tend to torment ourselves with when we loose someone we love. Seems so simple, yet it’s not. Some people sadly loose the will to live, for whatever the reason. There’s always hope, and as I am fond of saying it’s the one thing that never, ever dissapoints. Yet some people don’t even have that. When you’re sucked that far into the darkness, there’s no sense of light anymore. Which is sad and heartbreaking.
People think that suicide is a selfish, cowardly act. Actually it’s not. It is to those who are left behind to mourn the loss and pick up the pieces. No one wants to loose the one’s we love and how dare they abolish their own pain when it’s the one’s who are left with all the questions and no one there to provide the answers. The will to live resonates pretty hard in all of us. Countless people attempt suicide, or have suicide ideals yet they don’t always follow through. I encourage everyone to read When someone takes his own life. Which is also located at the top of the page in the tab menu. Perhaps it will give you some peace. Also piece of mind when sometimes there is none to be had.
The human race also has an enormous amount of pride and for some seeking out help isn’t always the easiest thing. Healing oneself can take a lifetime of work. Sometimes we’re wounded so badly we carry that burden with us for the rest of our lives. Not everyone is committed to that. A persons first instincts are to try and “cheer you up” in the vain hope that you’ll feel better. Sadly, depression doesn’t have an easy fix. If it did, then none of us would be suffering now would we? 🙂
To love and be loved is part of the human condition. To ask for help and seek out help is not. This is more common in men who are almost genetically predisposed to want to fix things themselves.
Most people who are suicidal generally don’t make the decision quickly. It usually takes a while to work up one’s nerve and the signs are subtle. Most people who are truly suicidal aren’t a bunch of glaringly obvious drama queens. There are always signs, sometimes though those signs are so subtle that they’re easily ignored. Especially if that person is generally vibrant and strong to the outside world. That doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a ton of demons crawling about in their mind. Most of us figure that we all fall on emotionally hard times or financial ones, whatever your poison most people are generally tenacious enough to pick themselves up and move on. However sometimes life just shits on you one too many times too damn often and we all have a breaking point.
When that person hits their limit, chooses to take their own life; we’re the one’s who are left in a devastating wake of grief, hurt and anger. Sadly we can’t resurrect our loved ones, however we can use that persons death in a positive light.
Educate. Inspire. Speak out. Even though this foundation is named after Jason, it’s for everyone who has died due to suicide and for those of us that are left behind to pick up the pieces.
-Steph
